Words felt not said

Wow. I have written anything here since 2006. I'm not very good at the whole writing my life down. I feel like there's not much to be said. Here are major up date since then.

Broke up with Jason Feb. 2007
Dated Chris then to I think June 2008
Single since
School off and on
     I keep getting suspended. I'm a horrible student.
Got diagnosed with major depression
     Took antidepressants and got off them on my own. Probably a bad idea.
Looking for day job
Got a car

Living my life day by day

It bothers me that my mom doesn't care that I've been with Jason for 3 years. I know that she want me to live my life. I fuck every guy I meet because she didn't have that when she was my age. My mom got married to my dad at 18 years old. I learned that I can't "date." I can only have relationship after relationship. Once the guy has sex with me then I can't only think that he is my property. Yes, I'm a jealous person. I know it. My 3 years don't count. It hurts but fuck her then.

I need to save up my money, get a car and move out. I want to move to a different state or even country. One day... I guess.

He shut the door with a thud and leaned against it. All he could do was think of her. For the past month she had been drinking in his territory. The place where he could relax without, you know, sleeping. Now he couldn’t do that in the place he sleeps. His cock was always hard after being around her.
He decided to jump into a blazing hot shower to maybe ease the pain of his hard on. He started the water for the shower. He peeled his clothes off and stepped in. As he was lathering his soap a flash of thought came into his brain.
Her wet body under the shower about to soap up just like he was. Te was a pang on his cock. He groaned. Soaping his arms, chest, abdomen, reaching to the base of his cock. His eyes closed. His thoughts of her in the shower with him drove him crazy. Imagining her on her knees. He began stroking himself. She is staring at him ready. Her mouth sinking towards the head. Shit. His grip becomes tighter. The warmth of her mouth and velvet of her tongue. She starts to pump faster as he does. He thinks of his hand going threw her black hair. Gripping her head and urging her on. Faster. Harder. Then trying to hold on the wall. He shakes. Gasps. Fuck. Hard breath. He comes and it mixes in with the falling water. He quickly finishes washing himself. Dries off and goes to bed still thinking of her.


Tell what you think, anything I should add or take out. Thanks for reading.

Could it be that the reason I'm not active enough is because I sleep late?? I don't get up until noon. I have so much in my mind but I have no idea how to put it on paper. I was just talking to my mother. It was kind of non sense but I kinda understood it all. My mother is a strong person and I love her so much. I wish I had the strength of her but it's hard cause I can't stop being afraid to do things. My fear is holding me back on everything. I'm still in need of a job but nothing is hiring. I haven't been really active on it either. I need to get on that. I'm going to run out of money soon. I only have enough to last me this much and next month just paying bills. I refuse to take money from my family, not yet. I need to feel able, motivated, and confident. It's so hard but everything is going to be hard from now until I take that last breath.
I can't be back to school until next semester in the summer time. I'm going to be taking one class if anything... Math. Maybe I'll go into graphic design. Everything is still up in the air.

Til next time....

I don't have a job any more. Finding a new one is a pain in the ass. It's stressing me out. Everything needs experience. I hate leaving my room when my parents are home because I feel so ashamed to see them.

What's wrong with me? It's like I can't stay home anymore. I decided to stay home today to clean my room and what not. I end up feeling so alone. My friends and I were suppose to go to the mall to ride rides. No one wants to call me. I know should call her but she is the one made the plans. My boyfriend doesn't call me to see if I'm alive. I'm blowing that up but that's how I feel. I call him. It's like I can't ever be alone without feel so sad. Sure my parents are home but I feel nothing. I stay in my room cause it's my safe place. My step dad will always make fun of me. My mom, well, I don't know about my mom.

I always feel I leave my entries open ended...

Jason has work on Saturday... again! I hate it. I just want to be with him. I'm happy that he's making money and stuff but I want some time together. I wanted to go to the Walker Art Center cause I haven't been there after the grand opening. There is an artist that we both wanted to check out but I think the exibit is going to be over next week. I guess we could I go on sunday but sundays suck ass. *Sigh* I miss him so much. Now I don't know what to do tomorrow.

Earlier today I bought some now jeans. Yay! I haven't bought clothes for awhile. Now feeling like this... I want new shoes. Damn it, Jason and you should pay for them!

Congratulations, you married Conan! You have
excellent taste, ma petite cherie. Rowr.


Conan Love
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I am freaking out about my life. I have no idea what I want as a career. I feel that everything I like is an unstable career choice. I hate this feeling. I don't know what to do. I want to find something to do and settle my life. I don't know. Does any of this make any sense?

Last night the storm took out my electricity. A tree behind my house is down on the power lines and it's taped off. I don't have computer time at home and it suck ass. I'm at school right now check email and what not. Probably our food is going bad as we speak. My cell phone is losing juice. I should go home and find something to eat before stuff becomes bad. Later.

La la la la *sigh*

Hiya. It's been a long time. My life has been unchanged. I'm talking to an old best friend of mine and I made new friend, Bea and Noi. Awesome girls.

I want to coplay. I'm trying to study an much as I can. I'm kinda broke right now so I can't really do anything at the moment. I'm not sure what the first one should be cause I don't know what is easy.

Some other time...

Hiya everyone. I made a new friend. I know that sounds sad but it's true. We kinda have the same personality but she's more outgoing. Anyway, school has been the same.
I've been worried about Jason. Yesterday and today, my Jason has been quite. All I want to do is hug him for a very long time or just cry and cry alone. Does that sound really sad and pathetic?

You are Alix from IMPROPER ENGLISH! You are smart,
gutsy, and want to be respected for who you
are. You like your men handsome, green-eyed,
and with a quirky sense of humor.


Which Katie MacAlister Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

01. Name: Ammy
02. Age: Eighteen
03. Where do you live: Minneapolis, Minnesota
04. What makes you happy: Shopping
05: Fandoms: Harry Potter
06. What have you been listening to lately: Anything but rap
07. Favourite film: D/K
08. Favourite band/singer: Frank Sinatra, Micheal Buble, and Renee Olstead
09. Interesting fact about you: I'm Asian
10. Are you in love at the moment: Yes with Jason
11. Favourite destination: I would like to go to Ireland and Scotland
12. Favourite quote: "Don't worry, have a nectarine" -Christoper Walken
13. When is your birthday: April 5, 1986
14. Will you post this in your LJ: Um... yea

Hello readers. Happy Valentine's Day! It was a nice day in Minneapolis. The temprature was in the late 30's. I had a Biology test today and I tried my best but I'm scared to get the reasults.

Yesterday night, my boyfriend and I double dated with our friends, Nick and Lee. We went to Figlio (I love the food there) and after we went to see 'Hitch'. It was good date movie or girlie movie. Jason dressed up for me and he looked so good. Hehehe. I love you, honey!